More than 6

A conversation came up this afternoon between me and you know who about what is the appropriate amount of beer to consume in one evening. She thinks that 3-4 beers are the right amount. Her words were "it keeps you feeling good and right there."

I don't and never will get this concept. She has it nailed down. She can have a great time on two or three drinks in a night. Me, no f**king way! I live by the creed "I don't drink to have a GOOD time I drink to have a BETTER time! In the immortal words of "Frank the Tank" from the great movie "Old School," "It feels so good when it hits my lips!" Does this mean I am an alcoholic? I don't think so.

Beer doesn't really taste that good to me. Let me rephrase that. The first 10 are delicious and then after that the 11th one they start to get kind of gross. I can have 1 cup of coffee or 1 can of diet soda. I am good and satisfied with drinking 1 of those. I will never just have 1 beer. If I am offered a beer I won't drink it if I know I'm not in it for the long haul.

I spoke to a few of my friends about this and most agree. They seem to think like me and say why have one or three if you can't have 8 or 10?

I have rules to my drinking. I will never consume any drinks during the work week. Sunday through Thursday has been a lesson in sobriety throughout my life. Even when I was in the Marines and there would be parties throughout the barracks with no plans of strenuous activity for the next day, I still wouldn't partake in any drinking. I live by the code of "Weekday Soberness" presently.

All bets are off if there is a 3 day weekend. In the case of a Monday with no responsibilities my friends and I would gather for the "Trifecta" on a Sunday evening. This was derived from a fellow binge drinker who lived by me and visited 3 of the worst bars in our neighborhood one night while riding solo. We didn't live in a shitty part of town, it just so happened that 3 of the shittiest bars happened to be in a square mile and about 5 minutes from my house. I always knew when we had a Monday off that Sunday night was gonna be rough. It got to the point that if we had a Monday off The Chosen One would ask, "you doing the 'Trifecta' this Sunday?"

A small description of the "Trifecta" is easy. First bar we would go to was called "Billy Z's." At the door to get in, you were pretty much guaranteed to see two females fist fighting. This was a cool bar not only for the cat fights but also because it spawned the invention of "long range hard as you can throw" darts. Second bar is a karaoke joint with a Nascar theme called "Turn 3." This bar had rules. You weren't allowed to pick the song you sang, but you were definitely singing a song. Another great aspect of this bar was that apparently smoking crack in the bathroom was OK. It would only land a stern warning. Last stop in the "Trifecta" was a liquor store and a bar. This was a dangerous bar. I didn't feel in harms way singing or dodging darts from thirty feet away, but here I always felt like a fight was waiting to happen. Maybe it was because the first time we went there we witnessed a man of no less then 60 years old passed out on the stage. The fact that the toilet had been ripped from the floor and lay on its side kind of worried me too.

I brought up the "Trifecta" because this night and pretty much all other nights that I'm giving beer my undivided attention requires a drink minimum of at least 8. If it aint 8 why bother? In order to get an invite to the "Trifecta" you had to be able to drink at least 10 beers. We did make an exception and our ladies did receive an invite, once. It wasn't the same.

In all honesty if I am with The Chosen One and we are just chillin at a local pub 6 beers will work. In this case I am OK with the number 6. If I am out with the fellas at some horrific establishments where smoking crack gets you a warning and not a police escort out, 6 doesn't work.....EVER!

By the way, I closed last night out on 4. In bed by 11:30. That sucked! So please, for your sake don't come at me with a weak ass 6 pack.