Dogs

Sometimes I wish I was a dog. Dogs do not harbor ill will. Of course backed in a corner or abused they can turn on you and may bite you. Even then the minute you show them some love you could see in their eyes that's really all they want. Yes there are some dogs that bite regardless of how well you treat them. Some dogs are dicks. If you think about it though the population of dogs that fall into this category are probably like 1 dick dog in 1000 cool dogs.

Dogs are some of the most loyal creatures on the planet. When I come home, no matter what time of day, my dogs are there to greet me, tongue and tail wagging feverishly. They are even more happy to see The Chosen One for some reason.

Lets say there was a workforce of dogs. I mean like dogs in the work place that understood English and could communicate back to us. For a minute let's believe that dogs are our equals. They work along side of us. They are asked to accomplish the same tasks as we do. We need their assistance and they need ours.

Hypothetically speaking of course, a dog may even be your boss. Imagine being in some sort of work environment and having a dog ask you to carry out some job. He, or if the dog is a female, "the bitch" (female dog), is your boss and if you like working there you need to do it. Either way you carry it out to the fullest extent.

We have created a job place where two species are not only coexisting but they are getting shit done.

One question that has to be raised is does a dog's loyalty change any because they are our equals? Do they use this newfound equal footing as a mechanism to propel them above us? Do they try to better themselves and "get ahead in life" or do they exhibit the same loyalty they have since they were domesticated 1000's of years ago?

We as humans will do whatever it takes to get what we want. Some will claw, scratch or fuck their way to whatever goal it is they seek. Colleagues will not think twice to go behind someone else's back to get what they want. "As long as I get mine, as long as I am taking care of, I don't give a fuck who gets hurt, shit on, stepped on in the back in the process." In the workforce a human's loyalty has no chance against a dog's loyalty.

I want to work with dogs.

Working with dogs would be the cat's pajamas. There would be no back stabbing. There would be no worrying about what was being said behind your back. We would not be in the rat race we are today. It would be man working next to "man's best friend."

There are definitely pro's and con's to working with dogs. I'm willing to work through our differences. For instance, in the "real" workplace I don't have to worry about the guy next to me licking his balls for an hour straight. The water fountain is much nicer to drink out of without dog slobber all over it. I know now I don't have to clean someone else's poop up. People know how to use indoor plumbing, dogs don't. But if we could teach a dog to poop in the toilet, or when the red lipstick comes out, we can tell him..."Not cool Rufus! Put it away...it's gross!" and if it went away great, if not I would have to learn to deal with it.

So from now on I am in search for the job that works with dogs and only dogs. I am tired of working with snakes!

Power Outage=The End?

Summer vacation means no structure for me. I normally live my life around a clock. I wake up at a certain time every morning. I eat the same things at the same time everyday. I go to the gym at the same time. I exercise for the same amount of time everyday. So when summer vacation comes, the irresponsible semi adult that I am, really goes hog wild with no rules.

What I am about to describe happened. It solidifies that I may have serious problems. What is even more bizarre is that I am going to divulge them here for your enjoyment. I may need to seek help after this. In my eyes what I am about to describe was a battle to stay alive. I will not have nicknames like The Chosen One. Today, she is simply my wife.

It is 1:00 in the morning. I awake to a sweat like no other. It is deep into the summer and I sleep with the fan on and the A.C. cranked as cold as my wife allow. However this is different, she and the kids are not here. They are spending ten days in New York. I am alone. I hate being alone no matter what time of day. 1:00 am makes it no different. Why am I sweating?

I take the covers off and try to go back to sleep. It's not working. I usually have a hard time falling asleep anyway and now, after being awake for what seems like hours I realize the fan is off. I didn't turn it off. I know I had it on. I always have it on. I pull the string...nothing. I check the clock that basically rules my life, it is blank. I reach for my cell phone, turn it on and it reads 1:27.

We are lucky enough to have an early warning system in two dogs that bark if they hear needles fall. Nala, our yellow lab, begins to go in a frenzy and starts barking. She had to sense my uneasiness about the current situation. I grab my police style Maglight. A Maglight is a baton shaped flashlight that police use. We used to use a much smaller model in the Marines. I have upgraded mine to the bigger, longer and heavier ones that the police forces around the world use. It is like the ones where the cops come to your car door and shine it in your face when they are pulling you over. If the light goes out and the shit really hits the fan you can always use it to hit someone over the head. They are extremely effective.

With flashlight in hand I unlock the case for my trusty side arm, a Sig P229 with two ten round magazines and night sites. Night sites are three dots located on the sights of a gun. For about 30 seconds I shine the flash light on them and now they are bright as can be. I practice shooting all the time and with this weapon I am very confident at 25-50 feet I can bring something down with ease. A .40 caliber handgun has good stopping power, however I want to upgrade to the HK USP .45 models that the some branches of the military use. A .45 caliber handgun has good killing power. Maybe after these events come out my wife will allow this upgrade.

Loaded and chambered, I go downstairs. Light is off. If someone is in the house I will not give away what direction I am coming from. The night sites fully illuminated will assist in aiming at anything or anyone I need to hit. With Nala finally calmed down I make my way downstairs. Nothing. No one is around. I get to the circuit breaker in the garage and use the flashlight to determine if any one of the circuits was blown. All seems to be in working order.

Our garage has no blinds on the two windows that directly face the door to get into the house. Up until this point it made no sense to me to check outside. While I am in the garage I see through the windows that the street lights are off. I get into the house and look out the windows down the other street, same thing, nothing. No power. That explains why I am now getting flashbacks of all the hurricanes and the outages that they brought with them. I remember being in Florida and really seeing what darkness is like when all the lights are out for miles and miles. Man has taken the ability to see all the stars at night with the lights we keep on. It is truly awe inspiring to see a nights sky with all the stars. As inspiring as it may be it can be equally frightening if you are not used to it.

A rational person would have put everything away and rode out the outage in the coolest place in their house. I have never once said I am a rational person. I decide to take Nala outside with me and see if there is anyone or anything roaming the streets. I leave the Chow-Shephard mix of a dog, Bear. She is old but still packs a mean bark. Her job is to guard the house while I am seeing if the end as we know it is upon us.

As I have said earlier, my wife and kids are in another state, away and somewhat sheltered from what I think is the apocalypse. Something in my head is sure that something to facilitate the end of the world is just around the corner. I try to think responsibly. I try to think like an adult and realize it is just a power outage and nothing else. but all the movies I have watched throughout the years tells me that this is "life imitating art." This is something I have seen before in a cinematic masterpiece that has entertained me throughout my life. I am sure something is wrong and since my family is "safe and away from here" I want this to be a fight for survival.

Cargo shorts, t-shirt and sneakers I venture through the neighborhood looking for some resemblance of life, some movement. Nothing. All is quiet, to me, too quiet. I can't understand why no one else is out looking and seeing what the problem is. If there actually was a problem I don't know if any one who would be out looking had a solution. But nonetheless I searched.

My vast search of the neighborhood revealed nothing. Nothing happened except Nala relieved herself and took a big shit on the neighbors lawn. I had no bag so I left it. At this hour I would have left it anyway. I was happy to leave it. This guys grass was greener than the greenest moss in a Seattle forrest, a little fertilizer from one of Mother Nature's beings may do it good, or it not.

I get back to my house. Since the power is out, I realize that the garage will not open unless I unlock it from the top and open it manually. The thought of pulling the garage door open with my hands seems foreign to me. Another realization that technology makes us extremely lazy and takes away our basic instincts as hunters and gatherers. Other preparations are made because I still feel that this is it. This is my armageddon. I pack my jeep with some basic items such as the case of water I purchased from the grocery store earlier in the day. Some power bars, a few "p.b. and j.'s" (on wheat bread of course, just cause this is the end doesn't mean we can start eating unhealthy), some bananas, three apples, a couple of cans of tuna with an opener, my ipod, two lighters and a flask of 18 year old Elijah Craig Kentucky Bourbon make the cut. By no means will this sustain me for an extended period of time but it will do for the time being. I pack all the supplies along with a back pack containing two of my daughters walkie talkies (who I will talk to I have no idea, but I got two), some extra batteries and clothes. I throw it into the front seat of my jeep and go back inside, and I wait.

I look at my phone and realize I am in good shape because if the shit was really going down, the cell phone towers would be out. So I sit by the front window and wait. I wait and wait and wait some more. I look out the window and search for any movement whatsoever. I waited so long that I fell asleep and when I finally woke up by that same window it is now 6:48 am. I must have been there in that position by the window for a good three hours. I'm totally soar from leaning against the wall and I feel like a complete dumb ass for going through all this trouble. The power is now on and all seems to be right in the world. I look in the jeep and see a cooler, a back pack and my own embarrassment of the previous nights actions.

To be honest I was a little disappointed that it did not come down to a battle for survival. I was sure that I would see the undead lurking around the corner. I was certain there would be apes at the park yelling "DEATH TO HUMANS!" and begin to chase me.

I am left with the notion I watch to many movies regarding the end of the world. I don't want it to end. I love life. I want to live forever. The movie industry has done us all a disservice by polluting our minds by glorifying a zombie or robotic apocalypse. But the Hollywood in me wants to shoot zombies. It wants to struggle and ultimately it wants to be in a fight for survival.

My first therapy session with Dr. Tillman is this afternoon at 3:00 pm.

The Man Who Won The Cold War

According to George Clooney and his buddies, people in Hollywood have apparently always been ahead of the rest of the class when it comes to world issues. Whether it is Clooney himself or some other has been action star such as Danny Glover we were never without the ability to hear such wonderful knowledge being spewed by one of these turds. It has kind of slowed down of late, but a few years back on any given day we could turn on the television and see a star poppin off at the mouth.

In the 80's we were very scared of the big bad Russians. We were treated to Red Dawn, a movie about the Russians and their allies invading the United States and a band of young high school students fighting back. Seeing this movie as a kid I almost hoped for the Russians to invade so I could be a "Wolverine." Then the all too famous Invasion U.S.A. was thrusted upon us and we were treated to Chuck Norris fighting off communist guerillas or communistas. Now add in Rambo II in the mix and we have a trifecta of Hollywood movies that inject an idea of fear towards Russia. Clooney was right. Hollywood types are smart because without these movies I would have never been able to sleep at night. As long as we had heroes such as Mr. Norris, Stallone or Patrick Swayze himself, the Russians would have surely attacked us. I am certain they saw these movies and changed their minds and decided to leave us alone.

These movies can all stand by themselves in telling the tale that at the time, we were afraid of the Soviet Union. Nuclear war and the end as we know it was near. Hell, even the small screen got into the game when The Day After came out starring Jason Robards. I remember my mom and dad wouldn't let me watch it. That is how serious of a movie it was. I was banned from the harsh realities of nuclear war at the age of 10. Thankfully the scenario was fictitious and it never played out because I would not have known what to do in case of a nuclear war. Since this movie came out some 26 years ago I have matured into the adult I am today and I definitely know what to do now in case a few bombs are exchanged.

Up to this point I was afraid of all things Russian. However in 1985 a movie came out that changed the landscape. Never in my life had I seen a movie that made me no longer fear Russia. At this time Stallone was already enjoying domestic success from an earlier in the year release of Rambo II. November movie releases are usually reserved for what the big picture companies believe are Oscar worthy. So when United Artists released Rocky IV on November 27th, they thought, and I agree, they had a winner on their hands. When I found out this movie did not receive any awards I was shocked. After all this movie had a direct result on how the U.S. viewed and finally would deal with the rest of the world. Send Rocky.

This movie was a parallel to the struggle our country had against The Soviet Union. They had more land and must have had a bigger army. So the Russian representative in the picture was Ivan Drago. A huge physical specimen at the time. Early in the movie he is pitted against Apollo Creed. He kills Creed viciously in the ring while Rocky watches in disbelief. This is yet another parallel to our fight against Mother Russia, in the beginning we would have to take some casualties in order to prevail. In steps Rocky to fight for no money, no title, just to avenge his friend's death. He didn't do it for the glory. He did it because he knew it was the right thing to do. If your buddy dies in your arms in combat you want some revenge for the fallen. This is exactly what our hero Rocky does.

Rocky, or the True American Hero as I like to call him, fights the bigger Russian, knocks him out, in doing so he avenges his friend's death. The plot does not stop there. It is part of a much bigger picture that has had world implications since the film was released.

This movie obviously wasn't about just boxing. Any fool can see that. It was about two political views going up against one another. Capitalism versus Communism. Russia versus U.S.A. The makers of this film had the foresight to see that eventually we were going to have to address the Russians. Rocky faced off against the Russians so all of us could live in a world free of fear.

Shortly after this film was released The Soviet Union fell. Rocky IV and the once feared Soviets will forever be intertwined. On behalf of all Americans that no longer fear a Russian invasion I take this time to say thank you to our True American Hero, Rocky Balboa, the man who won The Cold War.

I actually hated this movie. The dialogue was horrible, the fight scenes were way to fake and the characters in it were under developed. I just feel that the implications it had on our nation's foreign policy cannot go overlooked any more.

This picture says it all.