Thanks but no thanks!

What has pushed me into this vat of violent negativity? What has shoved me over the edge where I could actually wish for something or someone physical harm and failure to boot?

It started with Corporate Amerika completely, utterly and absolutely not catering to the small pee-on customer that has been supporting this same shit fuck of a company for 20 years. Does a multi-billion dollar corporation care for someone of my stature that may buy a product every year? Of course not! I wonder if I was a company of similar status or say an event where I had some sort of name recognition where I could put the name of this company on a banner, I'm certain they would accommodate me. Since I am small time, "Hey man, sorry can't help you...You're welcome to buy something else!"

OK, this started the downward spiral of a bad mood. It is not the only thing making me want to pull the hair from my chin. After my bout with "big business" and losing, I went where everyone else goes, my Face Book page. I am sick of Face Book. Wait, I shouldn't say I am sick of it. I actually enjoy it, a lot. So in my state of "fuck the world!" I post something off color. Not a sympathy post but something to definitely evoke a response. As I begin to get lost on there as I have done over the summer I see more and more sympathy posts and pity parties. I am sick of this shit. It's driving me nuts to the point of not wanting to be on there anymore. My cousin started yelling about me because I post about drinking...a lot. One half of the time it is all fake, yes it is fake! The other half I write shit to be stupid. Did I really get a prostate exam on Sunday of all days? NO, I didn't get a prostate exam on last Sunday, at least I didn't get one by a doctor.

These pity status updates solely for the use of having other people write bullshit like "Hang in there kid" or "If I was there I'd give you a big hug!" or my personal favorite "It'll get better buddy!" is just flat out ridiculous. Give me a fucking break! Get over yourself. I don't want to know that you are having a colonoscopy or your great aunt on your cousins side's cat just had a kitten with three legs and you're SOOOOO sad! Fuck you and your sympathy seeking. You cannot make the argument to me that writing a status update meant to make people feel bad for you is therapeutic. It is self-serving. I am sick of it, and for now on if I see a sad update I am giving it thumbs up. I promise. The gloves are off. Put a sad sympathy seeking update on Face Book and whoever it is, my response will be "35goingon14 likes this!" Yes, for now on I like your misery.

It doesn't stop there. The people who respond to these dumb messages are just as bad because they reinforce them with their posts. If someone wants a pity party do what most other Americans do, get a quart of Ben and Jerry's and go to town on Cherry Garcia, watch Sleepless in Seattle and go to bed. I am sure you will get the same satisfaction that a sad status update will bring. Or better yet do what I do, find some poor tele-marketer to take it out on! Fucking with some poor schmuck in India is awesome. That always makes me feel better. Or maybe you could get off the computer and go exercise and listen to some really noisy music and get your pent up aggression out that way. In fact I am going to end this right now because I may start using names and burning bridges and I don't know if I am ready for that. Maybe after "big business" screws me again I will be but for now the names will go unspoken to protect the guilty.

Pondering this subject more deeply than I have originally thought I may be guilty of putting silly things on my page. Yes, they may be for a response but not one looking for pity. So if anyone disagrees with me, Fuck Off! It's a free country and I am entitled to my opinion even if it is as juvenile as they come.

So in retrospect Mr. Big Corporation, I will not accept your offer of mailing you my $175.00 pair of sunglasses and receiving a forty dollar credit.

Thanks but no thanks!